OMG, it's January 2nd already!

time flies.... and so did those reflections that were swirling. i didn't take the time to capture them and my brain has moved on. i'm not worried though. they tend to show up again later.

but, now that Becky has convinced us that we NEED to go to Hawaii with her next month, i've discovered with the help of a tape measure, that my escape and depression of the last year has taken it's toll. with all the treadmill and eating right of late 2006 and early 2007, my waist had gotten to 32.5. (i kept records) but now, after spending most of the time since May sitting on my butt at the computer, it's 35.5. and i hadn't really noticed because the scale hasn't changed. then again, it never does. damn thing. so, weight's the same, but i'm a flabby mess and in no shape to wear a swimsuit at the beach in 50 days. so, like so many people, i have a new years resolution to get back on the treadmill and watch what i eat.

i walked 45 minutes yesterday, but although i set my alarm for 7am this morning, i did not drag my fat @ss out of bed. but, the day's not over, so there's still hope i'll get on later. so, my mantras are walk, no sugar, portion control. i've honestly not been drinking much alcohol the last few months (even though it may sound like i do because i type about it endlessly) so that will help. i actually dumped half a glass of wine down the drain last night because it just didn't taste right/feel good.

oh, yeah, so yesterday. walked on the treadmill and hung out at home until around 3, and then went to my parents where my mom made the family tradition of prime rib, baked potatoes, etc. so, i ate well during the day, but of course, indulged in the evening. i've been told that's ok.

and today, i'm leaving work early to pick up my parents and abby to go visit dying grandma. i hope she's up for visitors. i also hope i get a chance to speak with her alone. in the last couple of years when she and i have been left alone, i get the sense that she connects with me on a more honest level than she does with any of her other children or grand childre. it's difficult to explain, but last year at christmas in particular i noticed. when all the people are gathered around her, she has this insincere holding court kind of persona where she is either expecting their service, or feeling compelled to pass judgement on them. maybe because i have been brutally honest with her my whole life (and she me - case in point: she slugged me when i got a motorcycle) so anyway, after dinner that year when the rest of the relatives went off to converse with themselves and left grandma sitting alone, i sat down at her. she looked at me differently, and although our conversation didn't reach any great depths, it just really felt like she dropped the act and was herself. i'd like to give her that opportunity again in case she has anything she'd like to say.