I don't really like to be prejudicial to the entire day when it's only about noon - I guess there's still time for this one to turn it around, but I'm feeling pretty hopeless at the moment.
Abby had a late start at school this morning, so what should have otherwise been a nice leisurely morning getting ready and working at home turned into a nightmare. When it was time for her to get ready for school, she had a complete break down. Almost every morning has found her in tears worried about something that might happen (mostly that she'll get in trouble for something which is odd because she is the most compliant-wanting to please child ever). Or she just doesn't want to leave me. Today it was that she didn't want to leave me and she cried uncontrollably for an hour and was still crying when I pushed her out of the car door at school.
I know that her heart is broken and so is mine.
and then I come to work and I'm really just buried. my boss is asking me to take over running the business pretty much, including monitoring the cash flow situation which is more often negative than not. and as she focuses on sales and bringing in more business, the other tasks of my job are mounting too.
I want to just go home and crawl into bed but I know the piles of things will only get deeper.
oh, and I took my mom to the doctor yesterday because she's still having breathing issues and some pain and numbness in her legs. they took x-rays, did blood work and breathing tests and are concerned because her heart is enlarged, she's gained 22 pounds in just a couple of months, there's fluid on her lungs and she's retaining water. classic symptoms for heart failure.
Oh dear God... need some comfort and peace at the moment.
But, here's the J side of me.
I called the school and talked to a counselor who will start meeting with Abby on Monday and then me later at some point.
I'm going to call in some of the staff and do some major delegating in just a minute.
mom got some prescriptions changed, got an inhaler and is getting scheduled for a heart echo test.
when things are out of control, I just try to control them. make a plan and start to take action.
so, here I go.
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2 comments:
i don't like when things get out of hand either. i like life to just coast along at a nice easy pace, no interruptions.
i'm such a dreamer! i feel like i am in a place in my life where i just don't want to engage at all.
i wonder if this is a phase or a destination?
sorry to hear you having such a hard time! it seems like you are fighting an uphill battle single-handedly.
:-(
i hope it's just a phase, but i've noticed you've been mostly invisible. then again, i've been so self-absorbed and whiney i didn't blame you.
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