i've noticed that i'm quite unsocial lately. and i'm not particularly unhappy about it, except when faced with the prospect of being required to attend a social situation. and, it's actually the thought of attending the social event that makes me uncomfortable.
for example, on the horizon is abby's first eucharist (which i'd be happy to skip, but she's very excited about) Eryn's baptism, Abby's school music performance, and a distant cousin's wedding. even though all of these events are family centered and i'm perfectly comfortable to spend time with my family, most of them will be in public where there's some expectation of interacting with other parents and families in attendance. and i just don't want to.
also, my boss wants me to go to a business conference in Red Wing in may that would include a cocktail/dinner and i positively do not want to go. Why? because i don't want to attempt to make small talk with people i don't know. i just don't care to put in the effort and feel the stress of the awkward silences or standing around talking to no one because i don't know anyone and just hate approaching people to try to find something to say.
and i kind of know how to do it. you start with a common ground subject, and the best thing to do is to ask people questions about themselves, their business, just anything to get them to talk about themselves. but when i'm in these situations questions about THEM escape me. all i can think about is me. i do this, i like that, i did that once... blah blah blah.
is it because i don't care to know them better? i don't care to put in effort to get to know them better knowing i'll probably never see them again? or am i just so focused on me i don't see them?
i think i'm doing this everywhere though... not just with new people in social situations but in most areas of my life. it's all about me.
i need to practice being other-centered.
About Me
- wickedqueenwendy
- MBTI: INFJ middle child follower of Jesus - but in the inclusive, loving sense not the judgemental organized religion sense.
2 comments:
we share so much of the same angst about stuff, so in this post i was able to recognize me, bigtime. i have to educate myself on how to inhibit my own tendency to project an outcome, to judge the value or lack of, and to believe that i have lived a situation prior to my experience of it. one of the ways i can become less self-absorbed is to begin to practice new skills around inhibiting my tendency to stereotype and categorize and classify potential scenarios. how limiting is that? and how does that keep me from finding any fresh, or other perspective. how can i enable my own spiritual growth to become more organic; a more open system, and less closed in on itself? hmmmmmmm.
oh completely. i suspect i do that with situations as well, but focus more that i do it with people. yet i profess to be so unbiassed! i'm a hypocrate i guess, but in my defense i believe i do it not because i deem the person unworthy but that i fear the lack of value in a new relationship because it will be too brief. maybe that's mostly because i think it takes me hours and months to open myself up, how could i possibly get to know this other person in only a few minutes. therefore, the lack of value.
make any sense?
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