The WORST birthday ever!

but i can laugh about it today.

almost.

so, you know when you lie awake at night and you feel like you were awake all night but probably you slept some in there? well, monday night was not like that. i was stressed and had lots to worry about so i tossed around until i woke kevin up at 2am. so i followed him out and since it was officially my birthday then, he gave me my Wii fit present. so, i literally was awake until 4 am playing with it - not because i was excited, but because i couldn't sleep anyway.

Then did mafia wars for a while longer then slept maybe an hour before i got up for work.

and yesterday at work did not get better. i hit the wall with the stress from my boss lately, and when i went home for lunch, i could not bring myself to return. so i stayed to work from home and got up the courage to have this IM conversation:

[13:56] me: can i ask a delicate question via IM?
[13:56] boss: sure
[13:57] me: is taking on fully this leadership role a condition of my continued employment? [13:57] boss: nope
[13:57] boss: why?
[13:57] meet: i'm very unhappy.
[13:57] me: maybe it's just the day or maybe it's just that i didn't sleep and yesterday was tough[13:58] me: but, i've been feeling like if i don't do this i don't have a job
[13:58] me: and so my heart is not in a good place.
[13:59] boss: well, i really appreciate you sharing that. Give it a few days.. i have to have someone have that role, you are the natural to do so, but i won;t hold it against you. I still need you here. If it isn't a fit, then we will change it.

so that made me feel a little better, but then when i was supposed to do day 2 of the difficult client project that kept me awake the night before, i messed it up again. it was ugly and bad and while the client's IT staff was kept late working on it with me they mentioned about how they were working around sick and needy children. i felt bad, but not bad enough to one up them and share how it was my birthday and i was working it on my end while my husband was waiting to take me out to dinner.

in the end, i aborted the whole thing (partly their error too, but mostly mine) at 830 and sent kevin out for Godfather's pizza. he did surprise me with a birthday cake and candles so it all ended well.

and i think i have the dumb client thing figured out today. i hope. my fingers are crossed because i need a good night's sleep eventually.