so i dreamed of my dear departed friend last night and got to spend the entire night holding his arm. i woke this morning feeling happy for the gift of his presence, and then so very sad to know that i wont experience that in my awake hours again for perhaps a very long time.
i thought about the recent layoffs at work where i had to be the messenger and i realized that the reason that is so hard to do is because i wonder if i had argued better, maybe i would have been able to save the position. or if i had been able to bring in more revenue and cut more costs maybe... and i feel guilty for feeling so sorry for myself for having to do that, but I still have a job.
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